In Which I Freak Out About Science

OH HELLO THERE I DIDN'T SEE YOU COME IN

WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A SEAT, because what I'm about to tell you is SO AMAZING, perhaps so much that your knees will give out and you'll collapse to the floor, potentially twisting your ankle in such a way that requires immediate medical attention, and thus you might be rushed off to the hospital to treat said injury, at which point you'll have forgotten what was so amazing in the first place, asking me to kindly remind you again.

And so I'll tell you again, and then you'd fall again. Rinse, repeat.

Starting tomorrow and continuing every Tuesday for the next SIX WEEKS, some of the best astronomers and scientists in the field will be doing a series of lectures at the UofA. Admission is FREE, and I get extra credit in my AP Biology class if I give a brief presentation on what I learned.

But mostly the point is ADMISSION IS FREE.


You might not know this, depending on who you are and where you're from, but the University of Arizona is one of the best places to go if you're interested in Astronomy. While I certainly have the passion to pursue such a career, I cannot, as I am a math retard. My math experience is pretty much forever made of DERP and FAIL


If you don't know, a math retard is someone who is retarded only in the field of math. But they're perfectly fine in every other field, so to assume they're overall idiots is stupidly presumptuous, and most definitely offensive!

HOWEVER, even though I may never become an Astrophysicist, that in no way implies I have given up my passion for the field in any way. QUITE THE CONTRARY, I am still endlessly fascinated by it.

The only potential bad thing about this is that I should probably drive downtown to these lectures myself in order to get used to the trip, so instead of us being like this


It'll probably just be like this


I'm honestly not very aware of my audience, or if I even have one, but if you live in Tucson and are interested, the information can be found here: http://cos.arizona.edu/cosmic/default.htm

ANYWAY, MUST TALK ABOUT SOMETHING TRIVIAL in order to offset the SERIOUS SCIENCE verbiage above.

UM.

UM.

How about I just leave how about that. Seriously I've gotta go to bed you're such an ass I can't believe you made me stay awake just to post this. NOW I'M LIKE 10 MINUTES LATE and those are ten minutes of sleep I'll NEVER GET BACK ;;;

All I Talk About Is Food

TODAY I ATE FANTASTIC FOOD.

First, I woke up and I was like UHHHHHHGG MY HAIR IS AN EXPLOSION and not in a good way UUUHHHGGG. I'm not allowed to wash it until tomorrow morning, and the lady who cut my hair also put HELLA PRODUCTs in it, so yes, I woke up, and, EXPLOSION.

But whatever, at least my shower was quicker than it would have been otherwise. So after my shower I walk into the kitchen with my explosion for a head, and I open the fridge and I was like WAIT--

I TOTALLY HAVE HALF AN ULTIMATE CHEESEBURGER FROM YESTERDAY.


So I get my cheeseburger out and I heat it up in the microwave and I get back to my room and I'm like NOMS


And then while I'm sippin on my watered down Sprite (also from yesterday), I realized WAIT--

I TOTALLY HAVE A FROSTING FILLED DONUT FROM YESTERDAY.


So I get up from my chair and run out to the kitchen and get myself that damn donut. MORE NOMS


Yes. Cheeseburger AND donut for breakfast. Needless to say, if breakfast were a competition, you would have all lost to me this day. I ATE LIKE A CHAMPION.

I also ate like a fatass, and I didn't want to let all that fatass-power go to waste, so I got on the stair-climber and queued up some videos in my Youtube subscriptions box and was like YEEAAAH WORKIN THAT CHEESEBURGER-DONUT OFF, WATCHING ME SOME VIDYAs ON THE INTERNETS.

Good morning, indeed.

Anyway, for the rest of the morning I was left to sit and contemplate my explosion-head. I was not very happy about my explosion-head, and everything was starting to smell and maybe even taste like hair products. I grumped around a bit, and when my mom asked me if I wanted to go to the mall with her to exhcange some shoes, at first I was like


But then I thought WHATEVER MAN, EXPLOSION-HEAD OR NOT, I AM STILL BADASS AND CAN GRACE THE PUBLIC VIEW, so I got dressed like


And then we went to the mall. We were exchanging some Toms shoes for a different size, and apparently Zumies carries them? I didn't know that, at least. After we exchanged them, I was like HEY MOM GUESS WHAT

LET'S GET STARBUCKS

And she was all like YEAH LET'S GET STARBUCKS

And so we got Starbucks. Fantastic meal #2. I say MEAL because frankly those things have enough calories to count as DINNER for some people, so I let it count as my lunch. I got epic brainfreeze, but it was worth it. Some may call Starbucks stupidly overpriced, but I--actually I call it stupidly overprice too, but that doesn't mean I don't LIKE it.

Anyway, I got home and did stuff, I'm not gonna give you the blow-by-blow of my entire day, but I WILL go ahead and wrap up this "I ATE FANTASTIC FOOD TODAY" theme I've been on so far.

EPIC MEAL #3: Crab ravioli with lemon sauce. I ate it too fast to take a picture, so, sorry. But I spent a hell of a time making it (so no, it wasn't in some prepackaged tv-dinner plate!), and by the time I was done I was like WANT, NOW. It was a bomb meal though, take my word for it.

Tomorrow I CAN WASH MY HAIR. But I also have a Monday-schedule for the next three days, i.e., I have every class for the next three days. That's good because classes go by faster, but it also sucks because I don't get out of school as early as I usually do.

Ok that's it, I'm off to IDENTIFY GENES for homework or something. OR I could finish watching some British kid play Silent Hill on Youtube. I-...I'd totally play the game myself, but, yknow, I don't HAVE the game. It's definitely not that I'd shit my pants if I played it, if that's what you were thinking. HAH. Ha ha. No.

...Hell, I'd piss, shit, AND puke myself if I played that game. The monsters aren't even that scary, but the one thing I hate in video games is being CHASED, and EVERYTHING CHASES YOU in that game, so. NUH-UH, I'll stick with playing vicariously through some British kid, thank you very much.


Anyway, music. If you didn't have Eiffel 65 in your childhood, then you didn't have a childho--actually, maybe it was just me who had Eiffel 65 in their childhood. I don't know. I LOVED THEM though, like, not just "Blue" but the WHOLE FREAKIN CD. I still love them, haha:


(p.s., I really DON'T have Silent Hill, so HAH. Couldn't play it if I wanted to!)

In Which I Am A Poodle

I AM NOW A POODLE.

Hang on, let me explain. So my hair is naturally straight. VERY straight. The few times that I've curled my hair, people were always like "Oh, you didn't straighten your hair today!" and I'm like "UH ACTUALLY--" and then I have to explain and they're always like


Well, now that my hair is a lot longer than I usually have it, I've gotten extremely bored with it. Since I can't cut it, I decided to go in and get a "body wave", which is kinda like a perm, but...well, how about this: let's say that a perm is a Charizard and a body wave is Charmander.

...I don't know what the hell a Charmeleon would be, but let's just run with it for the sake of this analogy.

Anyway, I didn't think to take a "before" picture today, but it looks the same evreyday so I just used an old picture as a comparison (on the left, obviously). BEHOLD, MY HAIR IS NOW COTTON-CANDY:


So yeah, if the next time you see me you mistake me for a poodle, it's OK, I understand.

And I know it's not the best picture, and it's not the same angle as the comparison photo, but I JUST got off the stair climber and I didn't want my tired-ass face distracting you from the POODLE HAIR. Keep in mind that this is what it looks like with a bunch of product that I'll probably never use, and I can still make it pretty straight depending on how I dry it. It's versatile, which is what I was going for, so!

And yeah I'm pretty sure everyone's going to prefer the straight hair but LOOOOOL I don't care if everyone hates it I DO WHAT I WANT


So that was what I did TODAY, but what about yesterday? Yesterday's blog was a cheap mockery and was probably even offensive in it's lack of effort. I APOLOGIZE.

YESTERDAY was Friday. As you know, or should know by now, on Fridays I have TRIGONOMETRY.

Well I get to class and I sit in my happy little corner, and there's this random teacher in the room cleaning stuff off the board. At first I was like DAMN THIS TEACHER IS SLOW AS HELL TO GET TO HIS NEXT CLASS but then all of a sudden he starts writing his name on the board and everyone just STOPS and is like

"...IS HE A SUB?"

And lo and behold, yes, HE WAS A SUB. Not just any sub, though. He was OUR SUB. What did that MEAN for the rest of us? Was he a math sub who was gonna teach us stuff? Or were we doomed to miss a valuable day of LEARNING??

It was the latter. And it IS true that our days are valuable. We have a years' worth of material to cover in one semester so we're always like MAAAATTTHHH TIIIIIIMMMEEEE any chance we get. SO THIS WAS A SETBACK FOR EVERYONE.

The sub does his obligatory introduction, and then tells us we're going to take that quiz we missed. You know, that NOTORIOUS QUIZ that we are NEVER GOING TO TAKE. Well we were actually going to FOR REAL THIS TIME take the quiz.

Even though I was nervous, I felt pretty good since we're allowed to use our notes on quizzes. I'd taken EXTRA GOOD notes the day before in preparation so I was all like


First the sub starts reading off quiz rules, and he's like "No calculators." That's happened before, so it wasn't anything new, but I still like to use my calculator for really dumb shit like adding big numbers so I was like AAWWWW MAAAAAN


Next he's like "No books" and I'm all "Well yes, that would just be stupid to use the book," and I agreed with this rule.


Then finally he gets to the bottom of the test rules and he says "NO NOTES."

And I'm all" Oh well that--WAIT WHAT."


We always, ALWAYS get to use our notes. So people were like "Uhhh are you sure it says we can't use our notes" and the sub holds up his sheet of paper and he's all like THE PAPER SAYS YOU CAN'T SO YOU CAN'T


Except he was a lot more civil than that, obviously. BUT ANYWAY, I sat discreetly in my little corner like


But there was no arguing it: we were going to take the quiz with no notes. That meant I couldn't use my epic sample problems I'd done the day before. THAT MEANT I WAS GOING TO FAIL THIS QUIZ.


But no, no, wait, I DID study while I was making those notes, I MUST be able to remember SOME of it. So I get the quiz, and the first side is a blank Unit Circle. I'm like SWEET I KNOW THIS, so I'm filling in all the blanks and feeling awesome like


And then I turn the page and I see the next problems and I'm like


I recognized the material, but I didn't understand what the hell the questions were ASKING ME TO DO. So I'm 99.9% sure I failed the quiz. MAYBE the Unite Circle part might have bumped me up to a D or a C, but it's definitely not an acceptable grade.

I got home EXHAUSTED and despondent like


BUT THEN LATER IT WAS FINE. I went to eat at Chik-fil-A with my parents, Jess, and Derek, and then we went to see True Grit! I've seen the original 1969 version (with John Wayne in it), so I kinda went into it with a SLIGHT bias for the first film. BUT the new version is actually very good. It apparently stayed more true to the book than the first film did (I say apparently since I've never actually read it), so fans of the 1969 version can't be mad over changes, cause those changes are CANON


Also, I just realized that MATT DAMON was in True Grit. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT. I know who he IS obviously, but every time I see him I never place the name, and everytime I hear the name, I can never picture his face. So I'm gonna take this opportunity to say I'M SORRY MATT DAMON.

(I also want to say that I had this all typed out and ready to go at a totally decent time, but then my internet DECIDED IT NO LONGER WANTED TO LIVE and completely quit on me. I could only get it working again at 1:20, so IT'S NOT MY FAULT.)

Filler Post, FOR SHAME

AAAAAAAAAA Ok I know I'm supposed to post everyday but I COMPLETELY SLIPPED UP TODAY and--

BUT I SWEAR I'LL NEVER MESS UP AGAIN

C'MON MAN it was a one-time offense, just give me a second chance, that's like in the rulebook or something, right? Everyone gets a second chance, maybe even a third if you really earn it BUT I SWEAR I WON'T NEED THAT THIRD CHANCE OK

How about I give you a cat video:


And maybe a kitteh gif, too. Bitches love kittehs.


Ok, I think that did the trick. THE INTERNET HAS BEEN APPEASED. And wow, if this were facebook, I'd have to change my relationship status to "I'm in a relationship with the internet and IT'S COMPLICATED"

Anyway, legitimate post tomorrow, maybe.

FREAKIN FREESTYLIN

Nothing to say today, so here, have some adorable kids FREAKIN FREESTYLIN:


I think my favorite kid is the last one just cause he dances as if he had way more caffeine than he was supposed to, compared to the other kids. I also strongly feel that this should be a mandatory class in grade school. ALL KIDS SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO THIS.

Unenthusiastic Post? THE WORLD MUST BE ENDING

Huuumm, I don't really feel like posting today. Not that it was a particularly bad day, I just don't feel like putting in the effort or enthusiasm to talk about it, or to talk about ANYTHING right now. There's an uncharacteristic lack of enthusiasm about me today.

I think what's happened is that for this whole MONTH I've been approaching everything with as much enthusiasm as possible, because I don't know, I guess it's my life's motto to always be enthusiastic. And now I've just kind of gone numb to it, and I feel like for the past month I've just been EXISTING rather than actually LIVING.

Not that there's much I can DO about that, so says circumstance, which makes the whole situation feel even MORE like a waste of my time/LIFE.


...Ok wow sorry, I should have just gone with the "tooooo laaazzy" excuse. I'm doing my best to keep personal/serious bullshit out of this blog! But...oh god WHAT IF IT'S THE HORMONES screwing with my flawlessly stone-faced, iron-hearted identity? NOOOOO I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE FEELINGS!


No no no but seriously that was a fluke, it's fine, I'M fine, I'M AWESOME, now let's move on.

So anyway, TODAY. I DID have another dream, which I think confirms that I'm officially a TRUE DREAMER now. I don't remember what the hell was going on other than there were a bunch of people who had epilepsy, but instead of just convulsing on the floor when they had seizures, they would also frantically eat Twinkies until sedated.

Yes. I had a dream about TWINKIE FITS.


It was also a half-day at school today, so I got out at around 11:20. In Trigonometry, the trend of my incredibly idiotic luck continues, as we ran out of time for that quiz AGAIN if you can believe that. And on top of that, even though I forgot to bring my homework today, we got a due-date extension anyway. My "idiot luck" is becoming more and more of an everyday occurrence!

Seriously, no quiz AND a get-out-of-fail-free card? WOW.


Then when I got home, I was really hungry, so what does my dad do? He STOPS PLAYING CALL-OF-DUTY and makes us CHIMIGANGAS for lunch.

I didn't even ASK him to. I FEEL SO LOVED ;;;

And then for dinner later, my MOM made chimigangas. So. I had chimigangas for lunch AND dinner. They will be the death of me. Seriously, I'm going to DIE of FATNESS. Because of the double-chimi-wammy, I made an extra effort to do other healthy things all day to compensate, like drinking more water than I needed to, and putting in more workout time. But now everything hurts ;;;

Also, this is kind of random, but for Christmas last year (uh, a month ago) my sister bought Assassin's Creed:Brotherhood for me. I still haven't beaten it though because she took the PS3 with her when she moved out, so, haaah. The point of this little snippet is that it makes THIS VIDEO RELEVANT. It's the LITERAL TRAILER for the game:


Again, my video-game humor is kind of terrible, but I still don't care, I FIND IT HILARIOUS. If I ever had to kill someone, I'd definitely kill them with my awesome.

Wow, lame post is lame :C But like I said, I'm too lazyyyyy to actually put EFFORT into it today. Or, wait, I MEANT to say that, but I don't think I actually said that. I'm saying it NOW, then: I'M LAZY.

Good, we've all learned a valuable lesson here today, so I'M TUMBLIN ON OUT OF HERE, THEN.


(And...I don't mean I'm going on Tumblr...I mean I'm going to bed)

THE DREAM IS COLLAPSING

Nothing happened today blah blah blah whatever BUT LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING GUYS:

Ok, so, remember how I said I never dream except for really mundane and ordinary stuff?

Well, this morning I actually had a LEGIT DREAM. It was absolutely absurd, like WHAT THE HELL, but it was apparently interesting enough that my unconscious-self turned all my alarms off while asleep, so as not to interrupt my dream. Yeah, because my unconscious-self is a real douchebag like that.

So in my dream, I was at a Spanish news station in EAGLE PASS, watching them broadcast LIVE NEWS. And who was their newscaster?

WILLIAM SHATNER.

For some unexplainable reason, William Shatner was reporting news for a Spanish news station. And after every story, for NO REASON, he would somehow manage to rip his shirt, a la the original Star Trek, so he'd have to go back and get another one (I DON’T EVEN KNOW GUYS). He reported in English even though it was a Spanish station, but nobody seemed to care because he’s WILLIAM SHATNER. And he wasn’t even reporting on real stories! All he was reporting on were like…REALLY STUPID, CORNY JOKES, and he’d say them completely stone-faced like they were serious business. I don’t remember any specific ones, but they went basically like this each time:

“Today, someone asked, “Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?”

“The answer? It didn’t have the guts to do it.”


And then commence with the shirt ripping. I DON’T EVEN KNOW GUYS, I DON’T EVEN KNOW.

I DO remember the top story of the day, though. And oh, was it gold. The BREAKING NEWS was that a local man discovered that he was actually Sherlock Holmes. ...That’s right. And how did this man discover his incredible identity? Well, his parents called him that morning and told him he was ADOPTED.

So that obviously means he’s Sherlock Holmes, right?

OF COURSE IT DOES.

Then an interview clip with the man played and he reiterated, saying “I never knew until today, but…I am Sherlock Holmes.” And everyone at the news station was like


And the guy was this Mexican dude! BUT HE WAS SHERLOCK HOLMES because he found out he was ADOPTED. And you KNOW he was using some sound logic when he came to that conclusion.

Because HE'S SHERLOCK HOLMES AFTER ALL.

I woke up after that. I think I know why I’m suddenly dreaming though. I think the fact that I’ve started taking birth control pills has messed up my hormones, and instead of getting superpowers or something cool like that, I gained the ability to DREAM. Which I guess is cool but DUDE WHAT THE HELL.

Hopefully I keep having inexplicably bizarre dreams, that way you can look forward to reading about them and you'll be all like


Anyway, have a good day, or night, or whenever. I'M going to bed. Or--excuse me, TO DREAMLAND.

(though, is it ironic that the day I have a legitimate dream is also the day I DON'T make a legitimate post...?)

Monday In Gifs 2: Electric Boogaloo

A relatively uneventful Monday! Should I be thankful or disappointed?

Either way, in typical Monday-morning fashion, my alarm went off and I was like


...And then I set it to wait another 15 minutes. BECAUSE IT'S MONDAY AND I'M ALLOWED TO NOT WANT TO LIIIIIIVE. But eventually I DID have to get up, and so I trudged out of bed, leaving MY SOUL behind in the comfy sheets


After I'd showered and gotten dressed, my mom called me up to the kitchen for a PROPOSITION. See, she wanted to see who walked more during the day: her, at work, or me, at school? So when she asked if I'd wear a pedometer to see who walked more, I was like "Oh ok sure".

However, being the insufferably competitive child I am, in my head I was like CHALLENGE ACCEPTED, I AM SO GONNA WIN THIS GAME OH MY GOD



So, my first class of the day was AP Literature. Ok, cool, that's a 12th grade English class, right? Right, we agree on that.

So can someone tell me why, on one of the handouts we got today, did it say "FOR 9TH GRADE ENGLISH CLASSES". I saw that and I was like


REALLY. REALLY? I swear, I have to bite my tongue so much in that class, because if I ever even THOUGHT about saying what I felt about the caliber of work we do, I would probably be killed in some gruesome manner that could still maybe be passed as a freak accident, because sometimes I feel like those are the kind of people in my class: KIDS WHO COULD CLEVERLY KILL YOU AND THEN GET AWAY WITH IT. Not that I dislike them, quite the opposite, I just think that if it was a cooperative effort, they would be able to DO that. It's a very TOGETHER WE STAND--OR SIT, WHATEVER YOU GUYS WANT kind of class.

But really, I feel like we don't do anythiiiing. But maybe that's just me being a snarky little prick when it comes to English?

...It's probably that.

Remember that quiz we ran out of time for last class in Trig? Well, we had to take that TODAY instead, so I spent all morning psyching myself up for. Seriously, I dried my hair this morning in front of the computer, watching Trigonometry videos on Youtube. So finally 4th period rolls around, I get to class. I sit down. People start walking in. Then THEY sat down.

And we just WAITED. And waited. No teacher yet. Kept waiting, STILL no teacher. So of course, one of the kids decided he wanted to nap or something, I don't know, but he went and turned all the lights off, and we just SAT there in a dark room for a good 10 minutes (with window light but STILL).

At first I was just like WHAT ARE WE DOING WHY ARE THE LIGHTS OFF WHY ISN'T THE TEACHER HERE


But then I realized "Oh wait this is prime naptime isn't it." And so I napped for like 5 minutes. Then teacher FINALLY got there and just TURNED ON ALL THE LIGHTS, and I was like


And then we started the lesson, which wasn't actually a lesson, just review. And for the entire class, THE ENTIRE CLASS, we did TWO problems.

TWO PROBLEMS TOOK THE ENTIRE CLASS.

One of the problems was just trying to find the height of a right triangle using tangent equations, but the second one gave us HELLA trouble, because part of the problem was to graph it on our "graphing utilities", and nobody's calculator would cooperate. Even the TEACHER was like


So FINALLY we got the damn thing graphed, and until then no one had bothered to look at the clock. It turned out that by the end of the problem we had like FIVE MINUTES left of class. You know what that means?

No time for quiz.

NO TIME FOR QUIZ.

IDIOT LUCK STRIKES AGAIN.

On the outside everyone was like "Awww not again! That's too bad!"


But inside we were ALL like


So on that note rang the beckoning call of the LUNCH BELL. And I had to pee, so--

...no seriously, this isn't just TMI, there's a point to this story, trust me. I had to pee, right, so I walked into the library bathroom. Cool, ok, so I peed. And when I went to flush the toilet, it flushed. And flushed. And then it flushed again. AND THEN IT FLUSHED SOME MORE.

And that's when I realized the terrible, terrible truth: THIS TOILET WAS NEVER GOING TO STOP FLUSHING.


It had, by some random, tragic roll of the dice, been doomed to spend the rest of its poor existence in a PERPETUAL STATE OF FLUSHING.

FOREVER. So I stood there for a moment frantic like


After a brief and helpless moment, I accepted the fact that there was nothing I could do to change the toilet's fate, so I scurried out of the stall, hoping no one was there to get the wrong impression. But lo and behold, SUDDENLY EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE was standing there waiting to use the stall. And from their perspective, what did it look like?

IT LOOKED LIKE I HAD BROKEN THE FREAKIN TOILET. I tried to laugh about it like "Oh, haha, it just started flushing like that and wouldn't stop!", but everyone was just like


And I was just like


So I just got the hell out of there.

5th period flew by, and with that, I was on my way home. Except WAIT, first I had to make my way through the parking lot.

I don't think I've ever talked about it before, but I am CRAP at finding my car. Unless I park next to a pole or something, I will spend like 10 MINUTES wandering the lot like a dumbass. The fact that I never know if cars are going to wait for me to cross the parking lot or not doesn't help. Seriously, I'll be standing there like a deer in headlights FOREVER before finally running across like


So THEN I was on my way home.

Remember the PEDOMETER CHALLENGE? Well, when I got home, it was time to DECLARE THE WINNER. I honestly couldn't even guess how many steps I take everyday, so all day I kept checking it like WHOA WHAT ONLY THAT MUCH?! We both got home around the same time, and when I checked the final count, I had racked up almost 3000 steps, and I thought for sure I'd won so I was like


But she actually had over 7000 so I was like

I LOSE.

But I guess that's a good thing, isn't it? I mean, I don't really WANT to be taking a whole bunch of steps every day, I'm too lazy. Forget about health benefits!

No video today because whoa, I posted way too many gifs. TIL NEXT TIME.