6 HOURS TO AWESOME

I'M GETTING ON A PLANE FOR SPAIN IN 6 HOURS.



Well ok actually I'm getting on one plane and then getting on ANOTHER plane and THAT one is going to Spain BUT BUT

YOU GUYS

A week ago I was all "Dude..."



But now I'm like "DUDE"



The flight is gonna be hella long, though. I have enough music that if I played everything on my iPod it would last me over 4 days, and I also have the Italian Job, the 2009 Star Trek, and Inception to watch. PLUS, I've got two or three books I could read. And there's always sleeping, so..

I THINK WE'LL BE FINE.

Anyway, I figured I should post something here before I left. This time my unannounced and spontaneous hiatus ISN'T for no reason! It's JUSTIFIED.

Expect to see lots of updates after I come back! Well, wait, no, maybe you SHOULDN'T expect anything, that way when I actually DO deliver, you'll be all like OH WOW I WAS DEFINITELY NOT EXPECTING THIS AT ALL, WOW, THIS IS AN INCREDIBLE SURPRISE. THIS HAS BEEN DAY-MAKING.

So until then, right, don't expect A THING.

CLAWING BACK From The Low Ebb Of SICK

So I went to the doctor today and they told me I HAVE A VIRUS


And I'm like SO WHAT DOES THIS MEAN ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE ME MEDS

And they're all NO

JUST DRINK WATER

And I'm like OK COOL

I'VE TOTALLY BEEN DOING THAT FOR A WEEK BUT YKNOW OK.

No, I understand that there's not much they can do. Basically I just have to trust my body to be all like OH HELL NAW VIRUS DA HELL YOU DOIN GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE

YOU ARE A VIRUS YOU DO NOT BELONG IN MY STOMACH

BITCH I WILL CUT YOU


And my immune system has proven on many occasions that it is more than capable of going ghetto on sicknesses' ass, so. I'M CONFIDENT. You go, self.

So now I just have to tough the rest of the week out, and by then I SHOULD be over it, since viruses only last about a week or so.

In other news, I CAN OFFICIALLY COUNT DOWN THE DAYS TILL SPAIN ON MY FINGERS.


Th-..that means there are now 10 days left, if you didn't realize. I'm still debating whether or not to be that kid with the video camera who goes around pestering everyone like ISN'T THIS THE GREATEST EVER OH MY GOD SAY HI TO THE CAMERA GUYS.

But I'll probably leave them mostly alone. Mostly. I'll probably just be like OH LOOK BUILDINGS YOU GUYS the whole time anyway.


For now I've got to go finish some piddly Bio work and then probably get ready for bed since tomorrow is a LOOOONG day and I don't yet know how I'll be feeling in the morning.

THAT'S A HINT TO YOU, SELF. That virus had better be gone by morning or I'll...I'll punch myself in the face. MARK MY WORDS.

My Stomach Hates Me

ARRGGHH CRITICAL HIT, HEALTH IS DOWN TO MAYBE 48%

OR 62% IF I WANNA BE AN OPTIMIST (AND A LIAR).

Ok so you know how yesterday I woke up and I was all like


Well this MORNING I was woken up at 6:00 AM (after going to bed at 3:30AM) to see OH MY GOD SNOW, but

I ended up getting sick and throwing up again.

WHAT THE HELL STOMACH I THOUGHT WE WERE OVER THIS.


I tried (briefly and it was a poor attempt, I'll admit) to look up ways to get over dizzyness and nausea (which seem to be my most prominent symptoms), but all I got was results like

"AM I PREGNANT"

"HOW AM I PREGNANT"

"WHAT DOES PREGNANT MEAN"

So no luck on the internet. Still no game-plan as to what I'm going to do if this persists into Monday and beyond. I can't very well go to school if I'm up-chucking every hour.

Well I mean I CAN but I'm gonna have to be that kid who just straight up RUNS out of class, and everybody in the bathroom is going to assume I'm bulimic.

NO YOU GUYS THERE ARE OTHER REASONS PEOPLE GET SICK.

MAYBE I'M UP-CHUCKING BECAUSE THE STATE OF THESE BATHROOMS IS JUST SO GRODY AND I DON'T EVEN--

Wait is it "up chucking" or "chucking up"?


I don't know ASK THE BRITISH IT'S THEIR WORD

...But really, they really are terribly grody. And people think girls are supposed to be the clean ones? YOU DON'T KNOW THE HORRORS I'VE SEEN. There are tales I cannot recount for fear of contracting hysterical blindness as some kind of bizarre coping mechanism.

In better news, 12 DAYS UNTIL WE LEAVE FOR SPAIN.



I still need to go get a decent camcorder at Best Buy, and I need to finalize the wardrobe situation, but otherwise I am so prepared. I'M MORE THAN PREPARED.

I am...the preparedest.


But more importantly still, I HAVE YET TO DECIDE IF I'M STAYING HOME TOMORROW. I would be totally justified in not going since this isn't just a "oh I don't feel good" kind of thing and is instead kinda like "oh I don--I'm puking oh god". BUT STILL.

...I'll figure it out tomorrow morning or something.

(maybe my "I'm sick because I'm such an ass" hypothesis is proving to be true? I WAS an obnoxious ass yesterday)

Quick Update

HELLO INTERNET

I HAVE DISCOVERED THE CURE FOR EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD.

No it is not drinking. It is called complaining. And that is exactly what I did yesterday, and look at me now! I'm like...I'm at maybe 87% efficiency! Maybe 78% if I'm feeling pessimistic and dyslexic, but I'm not, so!

87% IT IS.

The puking has stopped, and I'm starting to regain my sense of time. Which is actually more depressing than anything else because now I realize that my "long weekend" was really not a "long weekend" at all. I seriously slept till 5 PM on one day this weekend. I don't remember WHICH day exactly but I know it happened and it freakin sucks because all that work that I had been given a 4 day weekend to do must NOW be accomplished on a regular weekend time-schedule.

But we're forgetting that I'm an infuriatingly and incomprehensibly lucky little bastard, so I'm sure I'll find SOME way to get everything done. I always do!

But first, the internet.

(that's right, you don't even get any gifs today...AM I REALLY NOT SICK ANYMORE?)

RETURN TO THE INTERNET

Dear internet,

I know I haven't been there for you lately, and I'm truly, genuinely sorry for that. B-..but I think now is an excellent time to forgive me for my absence, yknow, because guess what? I failed my math exam! AND I'm hella sick! So I think that's pretty deserving of your forgiveness, internet.

Yours sometimes,
Bugguh

p.s. I think I also deserve one bitchin pity party. Just sayin.


OK so back in the land of reality where things are real and I'm not addressing a personification of the internet, I'M REALLY ACTUALLY SORRY. I'm going to blame my unannounced hiatus on Trigonometry, because that just seems like the appropriate thing to do, and Trigonometry is a bitch anyway so it doesn't matter if it's not actually Trig's fault.

It's actually MY fault but. Let's stick with blaming Trig.

So what HAS happened in the I-don't-know-how-many-days-and-I'm-too-lazy-to-do-the-simple-math-to-find-out since I graced the internet with my mediocre presence? WELL. Probably not a whole lot, but I'll mention the highlights which may or may not be in chronological order (remember that I'm sick and my concept of time is now measured in how long I can go without puking). SO:

1. We actually did something...

in my English class.



UNBELIEVABLE AND ABSOLUTELY SHOCKING, I know! It was homework. Which, ok, now that doesn't sound like much, but THIS IS THE FIRST HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT SINCE I DON'T KNOW

EVER.

It was an essay, and I'm trying to think of a way to say I DEFINITELY OWNED THIS ESSAY without coming across as a conceited and overly-self-assured ass. But yknow, I think since this is the first homework assignment since ever, I'm ok with being an ass just this once. I'M A WINNER. I FEEL LIKE A WINNER I AM TOTALLY AND UNDENIABLY A WINNER.

...Maybe I got sick because karma thought I needed punishment for repeatedly being an overly-self-assured ass...?

Wait HAH I just realized the word "ass" is in "assured".



NEXT HIATUS HIGHLIGHT COMMENCE.

2. I (probably) passed my math exam.

WAIT WHAT I thought I said earlier that I FAILED my math exam? WHAT ARE THESE LIES WITH WHICH YOU TAINT THE SANCTITY OF THIS HOLY PLACE KNOWN AS THE INTERNET.

AWAY WITH YOU, SELF.

No no no here's what actually happened! THERE WERE TWO MATH EXAMS. Back to back, two days in a row.

...I'm just gonna let that sink in for a minute.



And now that you're properly hyperventilating and maybe losing control of your bladder in your display of sympathetic FEAR, let me again remind you: I (probably) PASSED MY MATH EXAM!. The first one. Cause there were two, remember.

Also remember what I said earlier. GUESS WHAT THE NEXT HIGHLIGHT IS.

3. I (definitely) failed my math exam.

The other one. I seriously left more than half the test blank, and in my moment of desperation, even stooped so low as to accidentally make AN ILLEGAL MATH MOVE. My teacher was all like "dude you can't do that" and I was like "I CAN'T DO ANYTHIIIIING."

Basically.

When I got home I was just like DO NOT WANT MATH

OH WHAT IS THAT

ARE THOSE MATH NOTES

DOOOOO NOOOOTTT WAAAANNNNTTT



...HIATUS HIGHLIGHT NUMBER 4 GO GO GO.

4. I'm hella sick.

I don't know what happened, or which bitch gave it to me, but I don't know how many times I threw up yesterday, even when my stomach was EMPTY it was being a dumbass like OH MY GOD I MUST REGURGITATE THIS AIR, ELSE I FALL VICTIM TO THIS UNKNOWN AND CRIPPLING DISEASE WHICH I WILL NOW DUB STOMACH-STUPIFYING-SICKNESS.

And I don't know if you know, but puking AIR is really probably the worst thing you could puke. ...Well. Puking noodles is kinda terrible too.

...OK, anymore of this talk and YOU'LL be feeling nauseous.


ANYWAY. I figured since I'm sitting here completely debilitated and unable to do anything else, I should return to the internet to let everyone know that, no, I'm not dead, just dying.

(or overreacting)

UNTIL NEXT TIME (and there WILL be a next time I swear).

Dumbest Schedule Ever

I just wanna say that my internet was running SO GODDAMN SLOW while I was typing this. It's amazing I finished it at all.

Today was the most stupidest dumbest retardedest school schedule. It was a half-day, and we had every single class...for 35 minutes and that was IT.

WHAT CAN YOU LEARN IN 35 MINUTES? Well let me tell you.

In AP Literature, you can learn:

Nothing. But you never learn anything in AP Literature. Why would you? It's only an ADVANCED PLACEMENT COLLEGE LEVEL SENIOR ENGLISH CLASS.

We took a practice multiple choice test though, which is probably the most work we've done this whole quarter. So I...guess that's a win? Wait no THAT'S A FAIL, that means we only do WORK on "off" days with only 35 minutes in class.

...ONTO SECOND PERIOD.

In AP Government, you can learn:

About Congressional subcommittees. Whoa what! Yes, we actually did work! AND LEARNED SOMETHING!

FOUR FOR YOU GOV CLASS. YOU GO GOV CLASS. I approve of time well spent.


Segway into third period! Sadly, not on an actual segway, but, yknow, what can you do?

In Spanish 2, you can learn:

How to sing Juan Gabriel's "No Tengo Dinero".

Yeah we pretty much listened to awesome music the whole time. RELEVANT awesome music. That's a win. That's a definite win.


NEXT CLASS GO.

In FREAKIN TRIGONOMETRY, you can learn:

How to not cry whenever you do Trigonometry problems by cleverly disguising those problems as a super CONNECT THE DOTS game.

Yes seriously we did a little "connect the dots to complete the picture" worksheet a la KINDERGARTEN. Oh Trig, I may be a math retard, but I still know Trig work when I see it. But it was an interesting way to do the work, and it didn't feel like time wasted. So today? WIN. Today was a math win.


FINAL CLASS COMMENCE.

In AP Biology, you can learn:

How to match suspects' DNA to a sample found at a crime scene.


Except our crime scene DNA didn't show up on our gel electrophoresis attempts... Fail? Well, yes, but the class was still a WIN. Also, someone brought a cake to class and told us to eat it cause they didn't want to carry it to work after school.

SERIOUSLY ARE YOU SERIOUS

That shit was GONE within literally MINUTES. Wow. AP Bio kids can do WORK on free cake.


Speaking of AP Bio, I had till 12AM to do an online practice test today. I JUST remembered this at like 10:40, so I was like OH SWEET I'LL JUST DO THIS REAL QUICK AND THEN ALSO FINISH THE GOV WORK ONLINE AFTERWARDS, cause, yknow, I'd just remembered that, too.

GUESS HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO DO THE BIO TEST. I finished, literally, at 11:59.

So I had no time leftover to do the Gov work. But if I hear a WORD of shit about that, bitches gon' get PIMP SMACKED. AP Bio has priority over MY LIFE. It has priority over EATING and stuff. I'd much rather have done the Bio work than the Gov work anyway.

And what's that about "You could have done the work earlier"? WELL THAT'S NOT TRUE, I was too busy catching up on Fringe with my mom to do the work. WATCHING TV WITH MY MOM HAS PRIORITY OVER MY LIFE, TOO.

Yes, I am blaming my mother for this. REMEMBER, NOT A WORD, or I'll go all divabitch on you and come up with some ridiculously elaborate excuse justifying my behavior, and then you'll just feel like an ass.



Anyway, this is what we rocked out to in Spanish class. I swear, I probably heard this all the time as a kid in Eagle Pass. The construction workers always had their music on.

HI MY NAME IS DURRH-DERR

I just spent pretty much the entire day shopping. The whole time I was just like


And ok, I feel bad sometimes, but I'm such a secret ass regarding other people's fashion whenever I go out. I am in no way claiming to be at the pinnacle of fashion, myself, but when I see people going out wearing things that even I know are absolutely ridiculous and terrible and just no, I'm like

JUDGING YOU

And this goes for clothes in general. For example, I saw a shirt at Target today that was plaid print, except for the cuffs, which were a FLORAL PATTERN.

Plaid AND a floral pattern? Really?


LOOK AT YOUR LIFE, LOOK AT YOUR CHOICES.

But as terrible as it is, it's also extremely amusing because every other second I'm telling everyone LOOK OH MY GOD DID YOU SEE THAT OUTFIT IT WAS THE WORST THING EVER AND--OH GOD LOOK AT THAT ONE


That's ok though, because I hold absolutely no ill will towards anyone who hates on MY fashion-sense. TO EACH HIS OWN.

Speaking of "own", I also now own a RHINESTONE STUDDED, RAINBOW tweezer and eyelash curler set. I-...I am the most fabulous. I am... the fabulousest.

(but I am still, and forever will be, the worst at segways)

I'm also maybe the...the best ever at Trigonometry.

THE BEST EVER AT TRIGONOMETRY? AT TRIGONOMETRY, DA HELL? YOU SPREADIN LIES BITCH? EXPLAIN YO'SELF.

Ok so not the BEST EVER at the WHOLE THING but today, today I actually did an assigned problem...better than the teacher did. It was one of those problems that can be solved like a million different ways, and my way turned out to be like the SUPER WAY. So super even the teacher didn't do it that way. When the teacher started doing the problem on the board, at first I was like, OH MOTHERBITCH I DID IT WRONG AGAAAAAAIIIIIIN


But then one of the kids was like DA HELL, I DID IT THIS WAY AND IT WAS SO MUCH EASIER and the teacher's all like WELL, YES, and then I realized OH MY GOD

I DID IT THAT WAY TOO.



But I think I might get too full of myself if I keep on about this. I need something to offset this incredibly anomalous instance of MATH WIN...

I KNOW. I'll find out what my DERP NAME is.


So instead of Kim Faye Young, I am now...
DurrH-Derr DerHerpRurrDerpy RurrHerpaHerrErpaHerps.


Derp.

...Everybody needs to do this. EVERYBODY NEEDS TO DO THIS.