Weather, And Also: Actually That's It.

AAAAAAAAAA

I have come back from the dead--that is, I had two exams last week and I am now settling into the relatively stress-free week ahead. FOR NOW. I think I have some random paper due for some random class sometime this week. It's all good. I GOT IT COVERED. Or, I will. Eventually. When I feel like it!

SHHH DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO. I DO WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT.

Even if that ends up screwing myself over in the long run. Whatever! It's my long run to screw over! SHUSH.

I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing that I haven't had much to say for the past few weeks. The last post I felt compelled to make was after I got hit by that car, which was pretty serious blog-fodder.

Well. I got hit by the puddle of scummy street water which the car drove through. REGARDLESS. Misery makes for pretty good writing! JUST ASK BUKOWSKI.

Speaking of writing. I'm writing again! And that's all I have to say about that. My only concern is getting writing-exhaustion before NaNoWriMo. I'll be all like OH HAHA I'VE BEEN WRITING LIKE 1000 WORDS A DAY BEFORE THIS, I AM CLEARLY ALREADY WINNING AND I--


..nope

And anyway, if writer's block doesn't get me, school probably will. OH WELL.

So today I was looking at the projected weather forecast for this week. The weather is supposed to start calming down and--

yes shut up I am talking about the weather. I can do whatever I want!

It's gonna be in the 80s all week, apparently? And by that I mean, 80 degrees Fahrenheit. Not like...time traveling back to the 1980s. Unfortunately.


So, with this in mind, it was decently sunny out when I left the apartment at 9:00, and it was still pretty warm when I got home at 12:30 for lunch. But in the few hours between then and my next class at 3:00, the weather BLEW UP and was like GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, SUN, NOBODY LIKES YOU GO AWAY

And the sun was all like WELL FINE I DON'T NEED YOU I'LL JUST GO MELT SOME POLAR ICECAPS LIKE A BOSS

And so the wind was like OH YOU WANNA PLAY THAT GAME? HANG ON LET ME JUST FLIP ALL THIS SHIT UP WITH MY FIERCE WIND POWER.

And then wind's buddy rain was all DUDE WHAT THE HELL WHY DIDNT YOU INVITE ME TO YOUR PARTY, NOW I'M GONNA LET MY FRIENDS LIGHTNING AND THUNDER COME WITH ME TO CRASH YOUR PARTY WHILE I PEE ON EVERYTHING

DID YOU HEAR ME

PEE
ON
EVERYTHING

Luckily that all happened while I was safely indoors during German class. By the time I walked home for the day at 5:00, everything was gone (and the sun hadn't come back either). Still, there was that undeniably awkward, still feeling in the air, like when you're really hungry, but your family is arguing in the living room and you'd have to pass them to get to the noms.

Now that I'm home I don't know what to do with myself! I've been stupidly sleepy for the past few days. I'm not skimping on sleep or anything. I'm not having TROUBLE getting to sleep. I'm just fine! So tody I'm going to try staying up really late, instead.

Because hey, when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. And the truth is I'M GETTING TOO MUCH SLEEP. That's my answer and I'm sticking with it.

SOUNDS LEGIT

In other news, I have so far eaten a bowl of Lucky Charms, some chips and dip, and Rit Bitz cheese crackers.

And coke.

I REGRET NOTHING. I'll try to fit some kind of decent meal in there somewhere, later, maybe. If I feel like it! I'll probably stuff my face around midnight only to cave in and go to sleep with a full stomach.

But first, before all that, HAUSAUFGABEN.

That-...that's homework, by the way. In German! Except I don't actually have homework in German. If that makes sense?

IT'S HOMEWORK IN GERMAN, BUT IT'S NOT IN GERMAN.

What have I even talked about this whole time? Nothing? EVERYTHING? Nothing important and everything stupid. SO, JUST LIKE ALWAYS. I'll call this a job well done, crack open a nice cold soda because I am too young to crack open a nice cold beer and--oh.

I just realized I don't have anymore cold sodas.


Oh cruel world! These are the troubles that plague my existence...


(this is why I shouldn't blog for the sake of blogging. what is this madness?!)

In Which I Whine About Everything!

You know that feeling when you're going to be late to that really important thing, but everyone in front of you is walking reaaallllyy slowly and/or walking in huge horizontal groups that can't be passed? So you're just walking there trudging your feet like

YOU ARE A TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING

But I only had one class today, which makes Monday my easiest day of the week by far. So I finally get to class and I sit down and I'm like

OK I'M HERE WE CAN START THE LECTURE NOW
GUYS I'M HERE IT'S COOL YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO WAIT FOR ME
GUYS
G...WAIT
...GODAMNIT I'M 10 MINUTES EARLY

And I mean I guess that's a good thing but. Still. Do not want awkwardly waiting for class to start. You can't just lay your head down and nap like in high school--this is COLLEGE. If you come to class and the first thing you do is NAP, people think you're DRUNK or something. Or, I guess, were studying really hard for some test or something. BUT I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE THEY'RE THINKING
So I went with awkward waiting.


Then that class ended so I was like WEEEEEEEEEW FREEDOMMMMM, so many things to do, I am going to be the most productive member of society today, oh yes, you bet, I am going to do ALL the things and and and

LOL NOPE

I came home, ate like fifty baby snickers, and DIED ON MY BED

By the time I woke up, I realized I had like an HOUR till I was supposed to meet my chem group to do our lab reports. So I grabbed all my notes and other pertinent information and was like KNOWLEDGE ABSORPTION GOGOGO

I am a robot and I have no soul. ONLY KNOWLEDGE.

And so I walked out my front door, ran down the stairs to the ground floor, looked outside and thought WAIT.

IT'S KINDA RAINING.

I mean kinda kinda but, still. My first thought after that was UMBRELLA-MODE, ACTIVATE.

(which simply involves me running back upstairs to get an umbrella and then opening it dramatically in the street)

20 minutes of walking later, I made my glorious arrival at the library where we were supposed to meet. YES.



Except I still had like 10 minutes to wait. MORE AWKWARD WAITING. Finally I texted the girl in my group who had organized the whole thing, only to find out that the other two people in the group had...

(wait for it...)

...CANCELLED ON US

MY CREYS ;_;

But I determined not to let that ruin our super duper lab meeting, so for the next hour or two we basically finished THE WHOLE DAMN PAPER like a pair of BOSSES
 
But then when I stepped outside to start walking home, LO AND BEHOLD

SHITSTORM

OF WATER

FROM THE SKY

WHAT IS THIS SORCERY

It was also dark out by this point, so I was like UUUUUHHH IT IS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT AND THERE ARE A BUNCH OF DRUNK/HIGH KIDS STUMBLING AROUND THE STREETS.

Do not want :C  But then my mom reminded me about this "safe ride" thing whose slogan is basically "Don't want to get brutally murder on your way home at night? WE'LL DRIVE YOU HOME INSTEAD ;D "

So I called! And called. And called. Clearly there was a massive influx of potential murder victims tonight, because the LINE WAS BUSY FOREVER. After waiting way too long for the line to open, I thought SCREW THIS, I'M JUST GONNA WALK HOME LIKE A BAMF AND I WILL DEFINITELY NOT DIE EVER

..and commence with the walking! All the while, pulling my hood over my head and tugging at my shirt like BOOBS? WHAT BOOBS? CLEARLY I AM A MANLY MAN OF THE MANLIEST VARIETY AND, YKNOW, DEFINITELY NOT WORTH MURDERING. NOPE.

And then rain continued to fall. The streets were literally full of water up to my calves, and I had to walk hella slow to keep my flimsy shoes from flying off. My umbrella was keeping me dry though (I had made sure to activate umbrella-mode before leaving the library), until SUDDENLY

A WILD SPEEDING CAR APPEARS!

BUGGUH CAN'T ESCAPE!




SPEEDING CAR USED DRIVE THROUGH HUGE PUDDLE OF WATER!

IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!

 

No ok so, I didn't get hit by the car, but, STILL. I GOT HIT BY SUPER STREET WATER. I looked like I'd just jumped into a pool! There was street water in my nose! IN MY MOUTH. And what the hell is sight? I SEEM TO HAVE LOST IT.

I spent the rest of the walk with my umbrella held sideways to protect me from hella speeding-car puddle splashes. When I finally got home, I was just like WATER EVERYWHEEERRREEEEE



I also took my pants off immediately.

Actually..

I don't really know where I put them anymore.

...

GERMAN 101 WHY

Remember when I was talking about Chemistry, and how I was afraid it was going to try and become my new Calculus? As in, instill feelings of indescribable terror and potentially cause me to lose control of my bladder due to said feelings of indescribable terror?

I LIED. My new Calculus, is, in fact, GERMAN...?



Wait wait wait WHAT I thought I was taking Italian? What is this bullshit? EXPLAIN YOURSELF, SELF.

Turns out, Italian 101 didn't fit into my schedule. So I was all like


But then I started looking through all the other languages and saw that German was like the ONLY thing that fit my schedule. I thought OH COOL I COULD TOTALLY DO THAT. And so I signed up. BAM. Just like that.

But I underestimated just HOW much I'm used to Spanish. As soon as I start trying to pronounce German, my Spanish brain just TAKES OVER and is all like AW DUDE CHILL OUT I GOT THIS, and my German brain is like...well it doesn't do anything because it's basically comparable to a newborn--all it does it cry and pee all over itself.


Way to go, German brain.

So my inability to both comprehend the language AND to speak it has left me sitting in class with an oddly familiar feeling...a BAD feeling...kinda like the one I felt...

...IN CALCULUS. It makes sense though, right? I mean, they're both foreign languages.

IN OTHER NEWS, I'm starting to get a system down: I wake up, be awesome, go to class, be awesome, get home, be awesome, crack open a Red Bull and join my brethren on THE INTERNET. The only real problem with this schedule is that energy drinks aren't cheap, and also I guess they're not very good for you, uh. BUT IT'S OK! As soon as I hit 21, I'll replace the Red Bull with a beer. THAT WILL DEFINITELY FIX THE PROBLEM.



Yes. My impending alcoholism is a running gag here, and I intend to freakin RUN with it.

Also, just so we know. I am slowllyyyyy getting used to my new iPhone. I can text, look at maps, play a few games, but for everything else I'm still just like

What the hell is this I don't even...?

I'm also supposed to be trying to cook legitimate food this week and NOT live off of Red Bull, Ritz Bitz, and water. ...We'll see how that goes. I'M TRYING, OK ;;;

In Which I Write a Novel About Chem Lab

Warning: This post is over 1000 words long because I don't know what is wrong with me.

OK SO clearly I'm a genius, we've established that. But have we? Have we really? Sure, so I'm good at improvising ways out of imaginary dangerous situations, and I'm a bit of a pro at napping. But today we've got some rather compelling evidence that indicates the opposite: that I am, in fact, a genuine retard.

I had a lab for my General Chemistry class yesterday. Right? Ok. So my schedule says it's in room 204, so I'm like OK ROOM 204 IM'A FIND YOU

AND THEN I'M GONNA SIT IN YOU AND LEARN

So I get to room 204 and it's...a huge lecture hall? Yeah, ok, we're having a lab in a huge lecture hall. I'm a freshman. What do I know? I know that my schedule says room 204, and that's where I am, so that's where I'm staying.

And after about 15 minutes I'm sitting there thinking "Ok, how exactly is this gonna work, do we--do we just WATCH them do the experiment up there? Somehow? Maybe we're going to the actual lab later." I ponder that for a brief second. "Yeah, that's definitely it."

And then the lecture starts. And. It. Was. NONSENSE. They're going on about something we did on Monday, and I'm thinking "Oh shit, we had class on Monday? I thought it was on Tuesday! Maybe the teacher is wrong...

...wait

...maybe I'm wrong...

...MAYBE I'M IN THE WRONG CLASS."

So what did I do? If we were still working under the assumption that I'm a genius, I SHOULD have gotten up and left what was clearly not the class I was supposed to be in.

But I am not a genius. SO I SAT THERE. I thought maaaayybe it was the right class. And if it turned out to be the right class after all, and I WALKED OUT, they'd count my absence and drop me from the course altogether. Better to just stay, right?

WRONG. But in a truly stunning display of why-am-I-so-stupid, that's exactly what I did. And all the while, under the assumption that I was probably in the right class.

SO TO CONFIRM: I TOTALLY DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS IN THE WRONG CLASS UNTIL I HAD SAT THROUGH THE WHOLE THING

SERIOUSLY

WHO DOES THAT

Does that indicate brain damage? (It does, doesn't it?)

It turns out, I accidentally went into (what I later found out was) an Organic Chemistry lecture. After an hour, my not-class ended and I knew for certain then that I had just wasted an hour of my life.

Also, I was now an hour late to my EXTREMELY IMPORTANT LAB.

Now, it's important to remember that I am 18 years old, living on my own now and in college. So what does a fledgling adult do when they can't find their way to a very, very important meeting?

THEY CALL THEIR MOM AND LOSE THEIR SHIT, basically.

In my defense, I couldn't log onto the university website to find my schedule, so I had no way of finding out what the ACTUAL room number was without getting someone on the outside to help. Eventually my dad found out and texted me the room number.

And so I ran to the other (correct) side of the building, took the elevator to the fifth floor, found the right class and made my grand entry.

As in, I hit the teacher with the door on my way in and brought the whole lecture to a dead stop. Because when I screw up, I screw up TO WIN.

The classroom was TINY in a way that I can't accurately convey with words. I'm making hand motions right now but I realize that it's doing nothing to help you understand, since this is a text post and I'm a genuine retard.


Um. It was about the size of the bedroom in my apartment?

As in, all of the desks were literally edge-to-edge. There was absolutely no space between them. The only open seat was in the middle of a row, of course.

OF COURSE

So, right, I get there, hit the teacher with the door, and I'm like "OH UM

HI I'M AN HOUR LATE can I sit somewhere, or do you want me to go stand in the corner and hang my head in shame while you go find the most hazardous chemical in here to kill me with? Alternatively you could just tell me to leave and never show my face around here again."

Well ok, that's basically what I said. Luckily nobody seemed to actually give much of a shit that I was the latest thing since late came to late town, and the rock wall of desks scooted around to make a (very very small) space for me to get through.

And then, just like that, class resumed like normal as if some blue haired kid HADN'T just assaulted the teacher with a door and then practically crowd surfed to get to an open seat.

I know I just said the classroom was the tiniest ever, but that's just the LECTURE section of the room. Off to the side there IS, of course, a large lab area, which is where we went after I caught the tail end of the pre-lab lecture. I got my locker, got my lab group, and then we... measured the weight of coins...?

BECAUSE THAT'S DEFINITELY RELEVANT. It was some kind of introductory learn-how-to-not-be-assholes-to-each-other activity. IT WAS A SUCCESS, I'd say. I think once all the other kids saw my grand entrance, they all thought to themselves "Oh, this is my lucky day. There is no way I could EVER top this level of 'what the hell is wrong with you'. I am suddenly no longer insecure about myself now that I have this pillar of fail with which to compare myself to every day. Thank you, pillar of fail, for bringing me peace of mind. You are the greatest, because you are the worst."

That is definitely, definitely what they all thought. And you know? I'm alright with that. Glad, even. Everybody has a role to play, and if my role happens to be a shining example of the highest caliber of FAIL, then I will proudly take that title.

Cue the single shining tear rolling down my cheek. If I could cry, I mean (I can't. I CAN'T. DON'T LISTEN TO THEM).

And so, in conclusion, I leave you with a question: Am I an idiot because of what I did today? Or am I an idiot for writing over 1000 words about it?

TRICK QUESTION! The answer is most likely that YOU'RE an idiot (just a little one) for actually READING this whole thing. Wow. Props to you, man. Props to you.

SPANISH 201 WHY

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

SPANISH 201

WHY ARE YOU TAUGHT IN SPANISH

I know it's a Spanish class but but but SHOULDN'T YOU TEACH IN ENGLISH

SO THAT I CAN LEARN SPANISH

I FAIL TO UNDERSTAND THE LOGIC BEHIND THIS DECISION.

Well ok I guess I kinda get how hearing the language the entire time helps us develop an ear for it but THE LEARNING PART, THAT DOES NOT WORK FOR THE LEARNING

I got there, picked the first open seat I saw (which was in the back) and the first thing the teacher says is YOU HAVE TO SIT IN THE FRONT GODDAMNIT.

Except it was in Spanish and I don't think she said goddamnit. LUCKILY I understood enough of that to know OH THAT MEANS ME (and the other kids in the back but MORE RELEVANTLY, ME). So I move to the front, cool, no big deal, but then she KEEPS TALKING IN SPANISH

REALLY FAST

And I'm just sitting there like

The whole time, I'm catching a few words of each sentence, so my mental translator is all like "CLASS. CHAIR. NAME. DON'T PLAGIARIZE. YOU'RE ALL TERRIBLE PEOPLE BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T BRING YOUR SYLLABUS TO CLASS."

I don't even know if that last one is what she actually said, but that's what I got out of it.

And that was my FIRST class.

So I went into my second class (Latin American Social and Popular Culture) with a slightly perturbed attitude, but LO AND BEHOLD

IT WAS AWESOME. The class is held in this freakin huge lecture room and WE'RE GOING TO DANCE AND LISTEN TO MUSIC AND WATCH MOVIES AND EVERYTHING IS BEAUTIFUL AND NOTHING HURTS

I'm not even joking. Part of the class is listening to music and watching movies. AND WE'RE GOING TO LEARN THE SAMBA.

THE FREAKIN SAMBA

Oh Lat.Am.Culture, I can forgive your ridiculously long name because you are awesome and the greatest.

Those were my only two classes today though! "Awful McTerrible" and "TheGreatest Forever".

I need to maintain at least a 3.0 GPA in order to keep my scholarship. If I stay enrolled in Awful McTerrible, though, that won't happen. So I'm going to switch it out for...

ITALIAN 101. HAHA. It's kinda like Spanish, except I get to start from LEVEL 1 with the rest of the noobs. AWWWW YEAH

#winning

Tomorrow I have Chemistry though.


THAT'S the class to worry about. I'm worried it's going to try to become my new Calculus--as in, THE DEATH OF ME. If you hear from me tomorrow afternoon, you'll know I lived.

Apartment!

I’m officially set up in the apartment and NOW I AM ON THE INTERNET.

There are tons of cool local shops and places to visit, I’m sure. I could easily walk to campus and meet new people and have a life. But why would I want to do that when I’ve got the INTERNET.

AND SO. Obligatory video tour COMMENCE:

(I make awesome sturgeon faces at 1:22 and 1:55)

And also, I am a genius:

No sturgeon faces in this one, sadly. Maybe next time!!

I think “That’s why I’m in college” is starting to become my new catch phrase, which I did not intend to happen but am not going to try to stop, either.

So tomorrow I have two classes: Spanish 201 and Latin American Social and Popular Culture. NOT TOO BAD. The only class I'm really concerned about is Chemistry. I took the assessment test on the class website and I got a 48%. CLEARLY I AM READY FOR THIS CLASS.

I think I'm going to get there on the first day, see all the forumlas and math on the board and be like HAHAHAHA

NOPE.

But let's hope for the best! I'm keeping this post short, but you can expect regular updates from me from now on, probably, HOPEFULLY. So until tomorrow, FAREWELL!

I Should Not Be Allowed To Vlog Ever

Look! A video! BECAUSE I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON.

But seriously, do not feel obligated to waste your time watching this thing because I have no idea why I decided to do this and also IT'S 11 MINUTES LONG, which should not be allowed to happen but somehow IT DID.

It was originally 20 minutes, because that's about how long my morning drive takes, but there is absolutely no way I'm letting you waste 20 minutes of your life listening to me talk about how I found my jacket yesterday morning or what would happen if I crashed into a cactus.

Actually, you still get to hear me talk about that stuff, but for half as long. You might wanna change the video quality to 720. Or you might not, I don't know. The video runs really choppy for me, but that may just be my computer. REGARDLESS, HERE.




After watching this, I learned that I tend to accidentally make the most incredible HERP DERP faces while talking. I think the low angle helps. I would not have it any other way.

I would also like to say that I tried to upload this directly to blogger, but after literally HOURS, it still refused to load completely. Even my blog doesn't want this thing on the internet. TOO BAD, I HAVE A YOUTUBE ACCOUNT, SO.

I don't know how many times I had to watch this damn thing while editing it, so by now I am absolutely sick of my voice and feel sorry for anyone who actually watched the whole thing.

Now, the video was taken Monday morning (obviously), so TODAY I actually took that test I was talking about. There were eight problems, and for the first 7 I was like HEY WAIT I KNOW HOW TO DO THIS STUFF (MOSTLY)



And then I got to the last problem and I was just like OH IS THIS A JOKE



SERIOUSLY

WHAT ARE YOU

But otherwise, assuming I can get partial credit for the stupid mistakes I probably made on every problem, I SHOULD be kinda ok? I certainly didn't FAIL. I think. Anyway, ambiguous fate is better than certain doom, so I'm happy with this.

ALSO, today the whole family got together and went out to eat. I would elaborate, but I ate SO MUCH FOOD that I don't think I could manage talking about it. Just. It never happened. I'm just going to pretend the eating part NEVER HAPPENED.

In fact, I'm just not gonna say anything at all. I am literally too sick to even type right now. UUUUGGGH