Sunday, November 27, 2011

Single Thread of Sanity

Hello, my fellow internet dwellers. I feel that I should let everyone know that I AM SKIPPING MY GERMAN CLASS TODAY, AGAIN

JUST TRY AND STOP ME

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There! I've said it, it's out there, now let me justify WHY. Brace yourselves--I'll do my best to keep shit from getting real, because I know how you all don't like that real shit. You come here for the nonsensical verbiage and amusing gifs, not for the serious ramblings of a college student!

And so! What on earth would compel me to skip such an important class? I'll try to explain, and in order to do that, there's an important distinction that needs to be made: handling stress is not the same thing as being stress free!

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!! SHARP INTAKE OF BREATH !!






I know, how even. But that's the truth. It's printed in a book somewhere, so I have legitimate sources. "Somewhere" is the key word in that sentence, as in, not here, meaning, I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE IF YOU CAN'T FIND THAT BOOK.

So now that we know the difference, let me say this: I am pretty good at handling stress! But at the same time, I am very, very stressed. A lot.

The problem with this is--wait for it--MY PRIDE. Cue the single shining tear of stereotypically manly strength rolling down my cheek like a liquid diamond catching the last glint of the rays of dusk.

What.

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Yes, yes, we've covered this before. My pride is both my strength and my weakness. It's what gets me through the day, and it's what keeps me from asking for HELP to get through the day. That's about the crappiest personality trait ever. It's like the Captain Marvel Jr. of personality traits.

If you don't get that reference: Captain Marvel Jr. gets his superpowers by saying "Captain Marvel", but if he says his name again, he LOSES his superpowers. So imagine if you will...

"Oh my goodness, you just saved my life! Who are you?"

 "I'm Captain MarvelOH SHIT GOD DAMNIT FFUUUUUUUUUUU."

Also what.

And that's kinda how my pride works. It's what makes me feel awesome, but when I have to mention it in defense of my not asking for help or whatever--or even just to ask for help at ALL-- it's what makes me feel awful. And so I generally don't!

So you have no idea how much it pains me to actually admit that THINGS HAVE NOT BEEN SWELL WITH ME LATELY. I have no right to complain at all because there is so much shit, so much that is just GREATER THAN ME going on in the world right now, but damnit, there is a patchwork of strong faces and forced smiles that has been holding me to sanity, and right now there is ONE SINGLE THREAD.

AND THAT THREAD IS FRAYING. The hand that is the reality of how much the world and the people in it SUCK has come down on my head hard this year, and all I can do is overreact and flail wildly about.

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Yeah, like that.

Regardless! The point of all this rambling is to show that, hey, we all have tough times, and WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH SKIPPING MY GERMAN CLASS.

It has everything to do with it! I was stressed, and didn't want to admit it. Going to German would have made me even MORE stressed, because:

1) It's almost two hours long. +10 stress points
2) The class itself is incredibly small, which makes it really awkward when you don't know the answer, which is always. +15 stress points
3) It's Tuesday. +5 stress points
4) I didn't understand the homework. +30 stress points.
5) Because I didn't understand the homework, I wouldn't have understood anything in class, and thus would have been fretting about all the time I was wasting by being there and not learning. +50 stress points
6) I hate everything right now. +all the stress points

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I was alright for my first two classes. I was getting by. But when I came home for the break between Chemistry and German, I found that it was a MESS. The coffee table is completely covered in like a poster board thing and I don't even know what. The kitchen sink is full of dishes, and the dishes are full of grody food water. There are puddles on the countertops that I'm not entirely sure are water. Something exploded in the microwave and was left to turn into a rock. The bathroom trash is so full that it's spilling out onto the floor. AND...AND...AND ALL THE THINGS. JUST. ALL THE TIME. ALWAYS A MESS. WHY ME.

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And all of this, in the SINGLE DAY that I was gone since yesterday. Why. No--how.

Distraught and overcome with the unexpected tragedy that has been my moving-out experience, there was only one thing I could think to do: make a mini film documenting my pain, for your enjoyment.

HAHA. Yes.





Ok, so maybe I made this out to be a lot more devastating than it actually was. In my defense, the video does not do this masterpiece mess justice. THE PUDDLES. YOU COULDN'T SEE THE PUDDLES.

It's only the kitchen in the video, but that's because I had to stop midway to prevent myself from sobbing uncontrollably. HA, GET IT? It's funny because I actually DID end up sobbing uncontrollably two weeks ago! Remember?!

Well you SHOULDN'T. Erase it from your minds. IT NEVER HAPPENED ;;;

But no, no, in all honesty, I'm feeling much better now. And I actually did have a legitimate reason for skipping German OTHER than the fact that I couldn't deal with it--I now have extra time to study for the European History exam this Friday, the Chemistry exam next Monday, the speaking final for German (which going to class wouldn't have helped!) next Tuesday and the presentation worth 10% of my final grade for Latin American Culture next Wednesday--which my group members STILL HAVEN'T EVEN LOOKED AT.

Ok, I take it back. I'm NOT feeling much better.

Remedying this with good music and writing. And studying, yknow, some more later. ALSO I just remembered that I have Red Bull for the week!

I justify my addiction by saying that at least it's not alcohol--and also that I DO WHAT I WANT.

So CHEERS, and here's to the morning. May it be awesome and wonderful and everything that today is not.

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