Ok so you know how yesterday I woke up and I was all like
Well this MORNING I was woken up at 6:00 AM (after going to bed at 3:30AM) to see OH MY GOD SNOW, but
I ended up getting sick and throwing up again.
WHAT THE HELL STOMACH I THOUGHT WE WERE OVER THIS.
I tried (briefly and it was a poor attempt, I'll admit) to look up ways to get over dizzyness and nausea (which seem to be my most prominent symptoms), but all I got was results like
"AM I PREGNANT"
"HOW AM I PREGNANT"
"WHAT DOES PREGNANT MEAN"
So no luck on the internet. Still no game-plan as to what I'm going to do if this persists into Monday and beyond. I can't very well go to school if I'm up-chucking every hour.
Well I mean I CAN but I'm gonna have to be that kid who just straight up RUNS out of class, and everybody in the bathroom is going to assume I'm bulimic.
NO YOU GUYS THERE ARE OTHER REASONS PEOPLE GET SICK.
MAYBE I'M UP-CHUCKING BECAUSE THE STATE OF THESE BATHROOMS IS JUST SO GRODY AND I DON'T EVEN--
Wait is it "up chucking" or "chucking up"?
I don't know ASK THE BRITISH IT'S THEIR WORD
...But really, they really are terribly grody. And people think girls are supposed to be the clean ones? YOU DON'T KNOW THE HORRORS I'VE SEEN. There are tales I cannot recount for fear of contracting hysterical blindness as some kind of bizarre coping mechanism.
In better news, 12 DAYS UNTIL WE LEAVE FOR SPAIN.
I still need to go get a decent camcorder at Best Buy, and I need to finalize the wardrobe situation, but otherwise I am so prepared. I'M MORE THAN PREPARED.
I am...the preparedest.
But more importantly still, I HAVE YET TO DECIDE IF I'M STAYING HOME TOMORROW. I would be totally justified in not going since this isn't just a "oh I don't feel good" kind of thing and is instead kinda like "oh I don--I'm puking oh god". BUT STILL.
...I'll figure it out tomorrow morning or something.
(maybe my "I'm sick because I'm such an ass" hypothesis is proving to be true? I WAS an obnoxious ass yesterday)
I HAVE DISCOVERED THE CURE FOR EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD.
No it is not drinking. It is called complaining. And that is exactly what I did yesterday, and look at me now! I'm like...I'm at maybe 87% efficiency! Maybe 78% if I'm feeling pessimistic and dyslexic, but I'm not, so!
87% IT IS.
The puking has stopped, and I'm starting to regain my sense of time. Which is actually more depressing than anything else because now I realize that my "long weekend" was really not a "long weekend" at all. I seriously slept till 5 PM on one day this weekend. I don't remember WHICH day exactly but I know it happened and it freakin sucks because all that work that I had been given a 4 day weekend to do must NOW be accomplished on a regular weekend time-schedule.
But we're forgetting that I'm an infuriatingly and incomprehensibly lucky little bastard, so I'm sure I'll find SOME way to get everything done. I always do!
But first, the internet.
(that's right, you don't even get any gifs today...AM I REALLY NOT SICK ANYMORE?)
I know I haven't been there for you lately, and I'm truly, genuinely sorry for that. B-..but I think now is an excellent time to forgive me for my absence, yknow, because guess what? I failed my math exam! AND I'm hella sick! So I think that's pretty deserving of your forgiveness, internet.
Yours sometimes, Bugguh
p.s. I think I also deserve one bitchin pity party. Just sayin.
OK so back in the land of reality where things are real and I'm not addressing a personification of the internet, I'M REALLY ACTUALLY SORRY. I'm going to blame my unannounced hiatus on Trigonometry, because that just seems like the appropriate thing to do, and Trigonometry is a bitch anyway so it doesn't matter if it's not actually Trig's fault.
It's actually MY fault but. Let's stick with blaming Trig.
So what HAS happened in the I-don't-know-how-many-days-and-I'm-too-lazy-to-do-the-simple-math-to-find-out since I graced the internet with my mediocre presence? WELL. Probably not a whole lot, but I'll mention the highlights which may or may not be in chronological order (remember that I'm sick and my concept of time is now measured in how long I can go without puking). SO:
1. We actually did something...
in my English class.
UNBELIEVABLE AND ABSOLUTELY SHOCKING, I know! It was homework. Which, ok, now that doesn't sound like much, but THIS IS THE FIRST HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT SINCE I DON'T KNOW
EVER.
It was an essay, and I'm trying to think of a way to say I DEFINITELY OWNED THIS ESSAY without coming across as a conceited and overly-self-assured ass. But yknow, I think since this is the first homework assignment since ever, I'm ok with being an ass just this once. I'M A WINNER. I FEEL LIKE A WINNER I AM TOTALLY AND UNDENIABLY A WINNER.
...Maybe I got sick because karma thought I needed punishment for repeatedly being an overly-self-assured ass...?
Wait HAH I just realized the word "ass" is in "assured".
NEXT HIATUS HIGHLIGHT COMMENCE.
2. I (probably) passed my math exam.
WAIT WHAT I thought I said earlier that I FAILED my math exam? WHAT ARE THESE LIES WITH WHICH YOU TAINT THE SANCTITY OF THIS HOLY PLACE KNOWN AS THE INTERNET.
AWAY WITH YOU, SELF.
No no no here's what actually happened! THERE WERE TWO MATH EXAMS. Back to back, two days in a row.
...I'm just gonna let that sink in for a minute.
And now that you're properly hyperventilating and maybe losing control of your bladder in your display of sympathetic FEAR, let me again remind you: I (probably) PASSED MY MATH EXAM!. The first one. Cause there were two, remember.
Also remember what I said earlier. GUESS WHAT THE NEXT HIGHLIGHT IS.
3. I (definitely) failed my math exam.
The other one. I seriously left more than half the test blank, and in my moment of desperation, even stooped so low as to accidentally make AN ILLEGAL MATH MOVE. My teacher was all like "dude you can't do that" and I was like "I CAN'T DO ANYTHIIIIING."
Basically.
When I got home I was just like DO NOT WANT MATH
OH WHAT IS THAT
ARE THOSE MATH NOTES
DOOOOO NOOOOTTT WAAAANNNNTTT
...HIATUS HIGHLIGHT NUMBER 4 GO GO GO.
4. I'm hella sick.
I don't know what happened, or which bitch gave it to me, but I don't know how many times I threw up yesterday, even when my stomach was EMPTY it was being a dumbass like OH MY GOD I MUST REGURGITATE THIS AIR, ELSE I FALL VICTIM TO THIS UNKNOWN AND CRIPPLING DISEASE WHICH I WILL NOW DUB STOMACH-STUPIFYING-SICKNESS.
And I don't know if you know, but puking AIR is really probably the worst thing you could puke. ...Well. Puking noodles is kinda terrible too.
...OK, anymore of this talk and YOU'LL be feeling nauseous.
ANYWAY. I figured since I'm sitting here completely debilitated and unable to do anything else, I should return to the internet to let everyone know that, no, I'm not dead, just dying.
(or overreacting)
UNTIL NEXT TIME (and there WILL be a next time I swear).
I just wanna say that my internet was running SO GODDAMN SLOW while I was typing this. It's amazing I finished it at all.
Today was the most stupidest dumbest retardedest school schedule. It was a half-day, and we had every single class...for 35 minutes and that was IT.
WHAT CAN YOU LEARN IN 35 MINUTES? Well let me tell you.
In AP Literature, you can learn:
Nothing. But you never learn anything in AP Literature. Why would you? It's only an ADVANCED PLACEMENT COLLEGE LEVEL SENIOR ENGLISH CLASS. We took a practice multiple choice test though, which is probably the most work we've done this whole quarter. So I...guess that's a win? Wait no THAT'S A FAIL, that means we only do WORK on "off" days with only 35 minutes in class.
...ONTO SECOND PERIOD.
In AP Government, you can learn:
About Congressional subcommittees. Whoa what! Yes, we actually did work! AND LEARNED SOMETHING!
FOUR FOR YOU GOV CLASS. YOU GO GOV CLASS. I approve of time well spent.
Segway into third period! Sadly, not on an actual segway, but, yknow, what can you do?
In Spanish 2, you can learn:
How to sing Juan Gabriel's "No Tengo Dinero".
Yeah we pretty much listened to awesome music the whole time. RELEVANT awesome music. That's a win. That's a definite win.
NEXT CLASS GO.
In FREAKIN TRIGONOMETRY, you can learn:
How to not cry whenever you do Trigonometry problems by cleverly disguising those problems as a super CONNECT THE DOTS game.
Yes seriously we did a little "connect the dots to complete the picture" worksheet a la KINDERGARTEN. Oh Trig, I may be a math retard, but I still know Trig work when I see it. But it was an interesting way to do the work, and it didn't feel like time wasted. So today? WIN. Today was a math win.
FINAL CLASS COMMENCE.
In AP Biology, you can learn:
How to match suspects' DNA to a sample found at a crime scene.
Except our crime scene DNA didn't show up on our gel electrophoresis attempts... Fail? Well, yes, but the class was still a WIN. Also, someone brought a cake to class and told us to eat it cause they didn't want to carry it to work after school. SERIOUSLY ARE YOU SERIOUS
That shit was GONE within literally MINUTES. Wow. AP Bio kids can do WORK on free cake.
Speaking of AP Bio, I had till 12AM to do an online practice test today. I JUST remembered this at like 10:40, so I was like OH SWEET I'LL JUST DO THIS REAL QUICK AND THEN ALSO FINISH THE GOV WORK ONLINE AFTERWARDS, cause, yknow, I'd just remembered that, too.
GUESS HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO DO THE BIO TEST. I finished, literally, at 11:59.
So I had no time leftover to do the Gov work. But if I hear a WORD of shit about that, bitches gon' get PIMP SMACKED. AP Bio has priority over MY LIFE. It has priority over EATING and stuff. I'd much rather have done the Bio work than the Gov work anyway.
And what's that about "You could have done the work earlier"? WELL THAT'S NOT TRUE, I was too busy catching up on Fringe with my mom to do the work. WATCHING TV WITH MY MOM HAS PRIORITY OVER MY LIFE, TOO.
Yes, I am blaming my mother for this. REMEMBER, NOT A WORD, or I'll go all divabitch on you and come up with some ridiculously elaborate excuse justifying my behavior, and then you'll just feel like an ass.
Anyway, this is what we rocked out to in Spanish class. I swear, I probably heard this all the time as a kid in Eagle Pass. The construction workers always had their music on.
I just spent pretty much the entire day shopping. The whole time I was just like
And ok, I feel bad sometimes, but I'm such a secret ass regarding other people's fashion whenever I go out. I am in no way claiming to be at the pinnacle of fashion, myself, but when I see people going out wearing things that even I know are absolutely ridiculous and terrible and just no, I'm like JUDGING YOU
And this goes for clothes in general. For example, I saw a shirt at Target today that was plaid print, except for the cuffs, which were a FLORAL PATTERN.
Plaid AND a floral pattern? Really?
LOOK AT YOUR LIFE, LOOK AT YOUR CHOICES.
But as terrible as it is, it's also extremely amusing because every other second I'm telling everyone LOOK OH MY GOD DID YOU SEE THAT OUTFIT IT WAS THE WORST THING EVER AND--OH GOD LOOK AT THAT ONE
That's ok though, because I hold absolutely no ill will towards anyone who hates on MY fashion-sense. TO EACH HIS OWN.
Speaking of "own", I also now own a RHINESTONE STUDDED, RAINBOW tweezer and eyelash curler set. I-...I am the most fabulous. I am... the fabulousest. (but I am still, and forever will be, the worst at segways)
I'm also maybe the...the best ever at Trigonometry.
THE BEST EVER AT TRIGONOMETRY? AT TRIGONOMETRY, DA HELL? YOU SPREADIN LIES BITCH? EXPLAIN YO'SELF.
Ok so not the BEST EVER at the WHOLE THING but today, today I actually did an assigned problem...better than the teacher did. It was one of those problems that can be solved like a million different ways, and my way turned out to be like the SUPER WAY. So super even the teacher didn't do it that way. When the teacher started doing the problem on the board, at first I was like, OH MOTHERBITCH I DID IT WRONG AGAAAAAAIIIIIIN
But then one of the kids was like DA HELL, I DID IT THIS WAY AND IT WAS SO MUCH EASIER and the teacher's all like WELL, YES, and then I realized OH MY GOD
I DID IT THAT WAY TOO.
But I think I might get too full of myself if I keep on about this. I need something to offset this incredibly anomalous instance of MATH WIN...
I KNOW. I'll find out what my DERP NAME is.
So instead of Kim Faye Young, I am now... DurrH-Derr DerHerpRurrDerpy RurrHerpaHerrErpaHerps.
Derp.
...Everybody needs to do this. EVERYBODY NEEDS TO DO THIS.
This is a weekend summary post, so you might want to pee first and maybe bring a snack before reading...?
SO. I am such a loser! I stayed home from school on Friday because a) it was cold, and b) I didn't want to take my math test.
But mostly because it was cold. Our heater was out and we didn't have any hot water! I-..I couldn't take a shower!
...WHAT A LOSER! Not that being a loser is necessarily a BAD thing, I mean, hey, if you're good at something you might as well run with it, and I'm good at LOSING so what that means is that when it comes to LOSING I'm actually a WINNER. See, even when I'm insulting myself, it's never actually a real insult. It's praise in DISGUISE. Because I am my favorite person ever.
So what DID my rubbish self do all Friday with the spare time? I slept a lot, for one; I don't think I woke up till around 9:30-10:00 (because I'm a loser, remember?). And then when I woke up, I had a Red Bull and Pringles for breakfast--that was definitely a WINNING choice.
And since part of the reason for staying home WAS math related, I was smart enough to study some Trigonometry too. Call me a cheater? Whatever! I don't care!
And yknow what I learned from all this studying? Um. Well, I learned that Circlesquare makes excellent study music.
And no, Circlesquare isn't some kind of geometry... I can't find the circumference or the perimeter of Circlesquare...
But that's FINE because I'm not DOING geometry, I'm doing TRIG, BITCH. We don't DO that shit in Trig. We do stuff like ANGLES and shit. We're all about TRIANGLES here.
Unless we're doing that kind of geometry shit LATER and I just don't KNOW about it, um.
ANYWAY later in the day we actually got our gas back so we have hot water now!
But our actual heater is still dead and probably will be for the next week, so.
I also FINALLY got around to watching the US remake of Let The Right One In (they retitled it Let Me In because the original title was too long, LOL but that's understandable). I'd read the book and seen the original Swedish film, so I was doubly biased. AND YET, I think I actually like the US movie a little bit better than the Swedish one! I know this is considered BLASPHEMY to fans everywhere but but but it had better pacing, ok? But both films have aspects that are better than the other though, so if you're a diehard fan of the first one, have mercy and spare my life!
In the US remake, they had to leave out a lot of sub-characters and their sub-plots, but that's understandable. What's NOT understandable is the fact that they left out the CREEPIEST PART of the WHOLE DAMN BOOK, i.e., getting locked in the SOUNDPROOF BASEMENT and hiding from the freakin BLIND RAPIST ZOMBIE.
BLIND RAPIST ZOMBIE. The movie was supposed to be creepy HOW COULD THEY LEAVE THAT OUT? I mean, books almost never scare me, but it was hella late at night when I was reading it and the scene was written so well and and just khjflkhjgkjgj I had to put the book down and go like
So I was waiting the WHOLE MOVIE for that scene, too. But hell, the zombie wasn't even in the movie AT ALL. So that was VERY disappointing, but otherwise it wasn't a bad movie. Of course the book is still better (even if it IS hella weird) but I didn't hate the movie so I say this is a VICTORY I guess.
Also, this is why Circlesquare is good study music:
I like it because their more ambient songs like this provide good background noise without being too distracting.
Now, SATURDAY: Saturday, my mom got sick. This is a REALLY BAD THING, because what usually happens when my mom gets sick is she plays this game called "I Hate Everything In The World So I'm Going To Clean The Whole Damn House Instead Of Resting Like I Should".
And I'm not a big fan of this game. But that's what happened. And so, because the house had been turned upside down during the whole MUST. CLEAN. EVERYTHING. AT. THE MICROSCOPIC. LEVEL. game, I asked my sister if I could go chill at her apartment instead.
AND SO I DID. Jess and Derek had to go grocery shopping first, so we did that, then watched America's Funniest Home videos while we ate dinner. After dinner we played Little Big Planet 2, which looks like the simplest game ever but it's FREAKIN HILARIOUS and stupidly fun, especially when you're playing with other people. By the time I got home, my stomach hurt from too much giggling.
AND TODAY, I have yet to do anything worth noting. But it's hella early by my time standards, so.
And now, how about a mashup of Lovegame and...Ghostbusters. Don't ask me where I find this stuff cause I don't even know:
Yes, this is the greatest thing you've heard all day.
Oooof, clearly I can't keep up with blogging anymore ;;;
The first thing I want to say about the cosmology lecture was OH MY GOD THERE WERE SO MANY OLD PEOPLE.
Some of them may have even BEEN THERE at the start of the Big Bang!
No, no, I kid the old people. But it was oddly amusing to see so many of them all in one place and equally as excited as we were. Everyone was all like OH MY GOD YOU GUYS OH MY GOD SCIENCE
But, yknow, in the most sensible, age appropriate way.
Being the first in the series, this lecture was mostly discussing the history of cosmology and how it has evolved as new calculations and theories were made and etc.. etc.. SCIENCE. But it was incredibly interesting, not at all a stuffy overly formal lecture but a fun and engaging discussion. At the end of it all I was just like
Anyway, I don't feel like writing anything else for you today. I don't think the heater is working in our house, so it's extremely cold everywhere but the bedrooms. I felt bad for Magnum, so now she's curled up in the heated blanket on my bed.
Don't have a poodle of your own? Then here, have some goddamn POODLES:
