Warning: This post is over 1000 words long because I don't know what is wrong with me.
OK SO clearly I'm a genius, we've established that. But have we? Have we really? Sure, so I'm good at improvising ways out of imaginary dangerous situations, and I'm a bit of a pro at napping. But today we've got some rather compelling evidence that indicates the opposite: that I am, in fact, a genuine retard.
I had a lab for my General Chemistry class yesterday. Right? Ok. So my schedule says it's in room 204, so I'm like OK ROOM 204 IM'A FIND YOU
AND THEN I'M GONNA SIT IN YOU AND LEARN
So I get to room 204 and it's...a huge lecture hall? Yeah, ok, we're having a lab in a huge lecture hall. I'm a freshman. What do I know? I know that my schedule says room 204, and that's where I am, so that's where I'm staying.
And after about 15 minutes I'm sitting there thinking "Ok, how exactly is this gonna work, do we--do we just WATCH them do the experiment up there? Somehow? Maybe we're going to the actual lab later." I ponder that for a brief second. "Yeah, that's definitely it."
And then the lecture starts. And. It. Was. NONSENSE. They're going on about something we did on Monday, and I'm thinking "Oh shit, we had class on Monday? I thought it was on Tuesday! Maybe the teacher is wrong...
...wait
...maybe I'm wrong...
...MAYBE I'M IN THE WRONG CLASS."
So what did I do? If we were still working under the assumption that I'm a genius, I SHOULD have gotten up and left what was clearly not the class I was supposed to be in.
But I am not a genius. SO I SAT THERE. I thought maaaayybe it was the right class. And if it turned out to be the right class after all, and I WALKED OUT, they'd count my absence and drop me from the course altogether. Better to just stay, right?
WRONG. But in a truly stunning display of why-am-I-so-stupid, that's exactly what I did. And all the while, under the assumption that I was probably in the right class.
SO TO CONFIRM: I TOTALLY DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS IN THE WRONG CLASS UNTIL I HAD SAT THROUGH THE WHOLE THING
SERIOUSLY
WHO DOES THAT
Does that indicate brain damage? (It does, doesn't it?)
It turns out, I accidentally went into (what I later found out was) an Organic Chemistry lecture. After an hour, my not-class ended and I knew for certain then that I had just wasted an hour of my life.
Also, I was now an hour late to my EXTREMELY IMPORTANT LAB.
Now, it's important to remember that I am 18 years old, living on my own now and in college. So what does a fledgling adult do when they can't find their way to a very, very important meeting?
THEY CALL THEIR MOM AND LOSE THEIR SHIT, basically.
In my defense, I couldn't log onto the university website to find my schedule, so I had no way of finding out what the ACTUAL room number was without getting someone on the outside to help. Eventually my dad found out and texted me the room number.
And so I ran to the other (correct) side of the building, took the elevator to the fifth floor, found the right class and made my grand entry.
As in, I hit the teacher with the door on my way in and brought the whole lecture to a dead stop. Because when I screw up, I screw up TO WIN.
The classroom was TINY in a way that I can't accurately convey with words. I'm making hand motions right now but I realize that it's doing nothing to help you understand, since this is a text post and I'm a genuine retard.
Um. It was about the size of the bedroom in my apartment?
As in, all of the desks were literally edge-to-edge. There was absolutely no space between them. The only open seat was in the middle of a row, of course.
OF COURSE
So, right, I get there, hit the teacher with the door, and I'm like "OH UM
HI I'M AN HOUR LATE can I sit somewhere, or do you want me to go stand in the corner and hang my head in shame while you go find the most hazardous chemical in here to kill me with? Alternatively you could just tell me to leave and never show my face around here again."
Well ok, that's basically what I said. Luckily nobody seemed to actually give much of a shit that I was the latest thing since late came to late town, and the rock wall of desks scooted around to make a (very very small) space for me to get through.
And then, just like that, class resumed like normal as if some blue haired kid HADN'T just assaulted the teacher with a door and then practically crowd surfed to get to an open seat.
I know I just said the classroom was the tiniest ever, but that's just the LECTURE section of the room. Off to the side there IS, of course, a large lab area, which is where we went after I caught the tail end of the pre-lab lecture. I got my locker, got my lab group, and then we... measured the weight of coins...?
BECAUSE THAT'S DEFINITELY RELEVANT. It was some kind of introductory learn-how-to-not-be-assholes-to-each-other activity. IT WAS A SUCCESS, I'd say. I think once all the other kids saw my grand entrance, they all thought to themselves "Oh, this is my lucky day. There is no way I could EVER top this level of 'what the hell is wrong with you'. I am suddenly no longer insecure about myself now that I have this pillar of fail with which to compare myself to every day. Thank you, pillar of fail, for bringing me peace of mind. You are the greatest, because you are the worst."
That is definitely, definitely what they all thought. And you know? I'm alright with that. Glad, even. Everybody has a role to play, and if my role happens to be a shining example of the highest caliber of FAIL, then I will proudly take that title.
Cue the single shining tear rolling down my cheek. If I could cry, I mean (I can't. I CAN'T. DON'T LISTEN TO THEM).
And so, in conclusion, I leave you with a question: Am I an idiot because of what I did today? Or am I an idiot for writing over 1000 words about it?
TRICK QUESTION! The answer is most likely that YOU'RE an idiot (just a little one) for actually READING this whole thing. Wow. Props to you, man. Props to you.
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