I know I haven't been there for you lately, and I'm truly, genuinely sorry for that. B-..but I think now is an excellent time to forgive me for my absence, yknow, because guess what? I failed my math exam! AND I'm hella sick! So I think that's pretty deserving of your forgiveness, internet.
Yours sometimes,
Bugguh
p.s. I think I also deserve one bitchin pity party. Just sayin.
OK so back in the land of reality where things are real and I'm not addressing a personification of the internet, I'M REALLY ACTUALLY SORRY. I'm going to blame my unannounced hiatus on Trigonometry, because that just seems like the appropriate thing to do, and Trigonometry is a bitch anyway so it doesn't matter if it's not actually Trig's fault.
It's actually MY fault but. Let's stick with blaming Trig.
So what HAS happened in the I-don't-know-how-many-days-and-I'm-too-lazy-to-do-the-simple-math-to-find-out since I graced the internet with my mediocre presence? WELL. Probably not a whole lot, but I'll mention the highlights which may or may not be in chronological order (remember that I'm sick and my concept of time is now measured in how long I can go without puking). SO:
1. We actually did something...
in my English class.
UNBELIEVABLE AND ABSOLUTELY SHOCKING, I know! It was homework. Which, ok, now that doesn't sound like much, but THIS IS THE FIRST HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT SINCE I DON'T KNOW
EVER.
It was an essay, and I'm trying to think of a way to say I DEFINITELY OWNED THIS ESSAY without coming across as a conceited and overly-self-assured ass. But yknow, I think since this is the first homework assignment since ever, I'm ok with being an ass just this once. I'M A WINNER. I FEEL LIKE A WINNER I AM TOTALLY AND UNDENIABLY A WINNER.
...Maybe I got sick because karma thought I needed punishment for repeatedly being an overly-self-assured ass...?
Wait HAH I just realized the word "ass" is in "assured".
NEXT HIATUS HIGHLIGHT COMMENCE.
2. I (probably) passed my math exam.
WAIT WHAT I thought I said earlier that I FAILED my math exam? WHAT ARE THESE LIES WITH WHICH YOU TAINT THE SANCTITY OF THIS HOLY PLACE KNOWN AS THE INTERNET.
AWAY WITH YOU, SELF.
No no no here's what actually happened! THERE WERE TWO MATH EXAMS. Back to back, two days in a row.
...I'm just gonna let that sink in for a minute.
And now that you're properly hyperventilating and maybe losing control of your bladder in your display of sympathetic FEAR, let me again remind you: I (probably) PASSED MY MATH EXAM!. The first one. Cause there were two, remember.
Also remember what I said earlier. GUESS WHAT THE NEXT HIGHLIGHT IS.
3. I (definitely) failed my math exam.
The other one. I seriously left more than half the test blank, and in my moment of desperation, even stooped so low as to accidentally make AN ILLEGAL MATH MOVE. My teacher was all like "dude you can't do that" and I was like "I CAN'T DO ANYTHIIIIING."
Basically.
When I got home I was just like DO NOT WANT MATH
OH WHAT IS THAT
ARE THOSE MATH NOTES
DOOOOO NOOOOTTT WAAAANNNNTTT
...HIATUS HIGHLIGHT NUMBER 4 GO GO GO.
4. I'm hella sick.
I don't know what happened, or which bitch gave it to me, but I don't know how many times I threw up yesterday, even when my stomach was EMPTY it was being a dumbass like OH MY GOD I MUST REGURGITATE THIS AIR, ELSE I FALL VICTIM TO THIS UNKNOWN AND CRIPPLING DISEASE WHICH I WILL NOW DUB STOMACH-STUPIFYING-SICKNESS.
And I don't know if you know, but puking AIR is really probably the worst thing you could puke. ...Well. Puking noodles is kinda terrible too.
...OK, anymore of this talk and YOU'LL be feeling nauseous.
ANYWAY. I figured since I'm sitting here completely debilitated and unable to do anything else, I should return to the internet to let everyone know that, no, I'm not dead, just dying.
(or overreacting)
UNTIL NEXT TIME (and there WILL be a next time I swear).
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