Ok, so, remember how I said I never dream except for really mundane and ordinary stuff?
Well, this morning I actually had a LEGIT DREAM. It was absolutely absurd, like WHAT THE HELL, but it was apparently interesting enough that my unconscious-self turned all my alarms off while asleep, so as not to interrupt my dream. Yeah, because my unconscious-self is a real douchebag like that.
So in my dream, I was at a Spanish news station in EAGLE PASS, watching them broadcast LIVE NEWS. And who was their newscaster?
WILLIAM SHATNER.
For some unexplainable reason, William Shatner was reporting news for a Spanish news station. And after every story, for NO REASON, he would somehow manage to rip his shirt, a la the original Star Trek, so he'd have to go back and get another one (I DON’T EVEN KNOW GUYS). He reported in English even though it was a Spanish station, but nobody seemed to care because he’s WILLIAM SHATNER. And he wasn’t even reporting on real stories! All he was reporting on were like…REALLY STUPID, CORNY JOKES, and he’d say them completely stone-faced like they were serious business. I don’t remember any specific ones, but they went basically like this each time:
“Today, someone asked, “Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?”
“The answer? It didn’t have the guts to do it.”
And then commence with the shirt ripping. I DON’T EVEN KNOW GUYS, I DON’T EVEN KNOW.
I DO remember the top story of the day, though. And oh, was it gold. The BREAKING NEWS was that a local man discovered that he was actually Sherlock Holmes. ...That’s right. And how did this man discover his incredible identity? Well, his parents called him that morning and told him he was ADOPTED.
So that obviously means he’s Sherlock Holmes, right?
OF COURSE IT DOES.
Then an interview clip with the man played and he reiterated, saying “I never knew until today, but…I am Sherlock Holmes.” And everyone at the news station was like
And the guy was this Mexican dude! BUT HE WAS SHERLOCK HOLMES because he found out he was ADOPTED. And you KNOW he was using some sound logic when he came to that conclusion.
Because HE'S SHERLOCK HOLMES AFTER ALL.
I woke up after that. I think I know why I’m suddenly dreaming though. I think the fact that I’ve started taking birth control pills has messed up my hormones, and instead of getting superpowers or something cool like that, I gained the ability to DREAM. Which I guess is cool but DUDE WHAT THE HELL.
Hopefully I keep having inexplicably bizarre dreams, that way you can look forward to reading about them and you'll be all like
Anyway, have a good day, or night, or whenever. I'M going to bed. Or--excuse me, TO DREAMLAND.
(though, is it ironic that the day I have a legitimate dream is also the day I DON'T make a legitimate post...?)
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